The book that caused a stir deep inside of me. Opened my eyes. Made something click.
Text Book Romance, a complete guide to finding the right guy, dating him, and keeping it that way, written by Zoe Foster with occasional useful comments by non other then Hamish Blake (half of the duo Hamish and Andy). read in the format of a text book it is the most useful thing i have read to date. Aimed at an older audience, don't be afraid to dive straight into it to discover what you've been missing when it comes to the dangerous area of men. at my age it is very much about experience but let me tell you now, it cannot hurt one bit to have a little bit of guidance to making them good experiences.
The chapter I found most helpful was the first module, specifically the part about taking a long hard look at yourself to ensure that you are ready for a relationship. There is no doubt I have had many an identity crisis, having no idea who I am, more specifically who other perceive me to be but it has always been averted by the fact that I have the rest of my life to find out. If i'm perfectly honest with myself its probably more avoiding the problem rather then finding a solution.
This book wasn't about finding a "new" me, it was more about finding a me to begin with. The first step in this was making a list all the things I like about myself, a feat that was daunting to say the least. I have cruised along believing there was nothing I liked but there is surprisingly 12. So to get this point I had to look in the mirror, for an awful long time. I thought about what people complimented me on and tried to see if i could see them. I also looked beyond the physical, to the inside. I knew I had to be completely honest otherwise this would be a pointless exercise. Now, because i know you don't want to sit here and listen to me boast about all the things I like about myself I am just going to give you a few examples: My fascination with stars (i don't know what it is but there is just something about me that captivates me), my geekiness (no one should ever be afraid to embrace it) and my eyelashes. I encourage you to do the same don't look to the surface like "Oh I guess I'm a nice person" (I say this because I really don't believe I am, like I do nice things but I'm not genuinely nice) NO, go deeper, look at things you think other people like, look at things that make you YOU.
The next step was to think of you "blank spaces" as Zoe calls them. The voids you feel in yourself that you think you can fill with other people. It is important to note these are not physical characteristics that you have no control over (or cost a shit tone of money to fix) like the shape of your nose but gaps in your life like I believe I am extremely self centered, although this is a hard thing to fix it can definitely be done, or I have a boring life style, well don't look for a man or a friend to change this, go out, have fun, find something YOU like doing.
The third step is to embrace the things you like and chuck out the things you don't. No man is going to want a girl who is shy about who she is and is moping around in self pity. YOU HAVE TO STRUT YOUR STUFF.
Throughout this journey of self discovery (although I'm sure it's nowhere near over) I have learnt 10 things that I am embracing as my model to life:
1. There are 12 things you can actually genuinely say you like about yourself. Embrace them, show them off.
2. Stop obsessing over guys who aren't interested. You can not change their minds.
3. Work on things you don't like, there is always room for improvement
4. Let life take its course. The universe is going to throw all sorts of things at you. Deal with them as they come. Tomorrow will be different.
5. Stop being so desperate. There are only a sparse number of guys who are going to have the privilege of being with you. Make them good ones.
6. Find someone who loves you at your worst. Imagine what could happen at your best.
7. Work hard and you'll see better results.
8. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush, slow down and enjoy it.
9. Be confident in yourself. There is no one like you.
10. Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
I haven't written about all this to boast about my new found confidence, well I have a little, but it's more so that others can find the success that I have. It is my sincere hope that someone, somewhere reads this and it can help them as much as it has helped me.
All my thanks to Zoe Foster, it's safe to say I have adopted your book as my bible. Sorry if I've stolen any of your material.
Love always Flower
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