Today I walked.
I had half an hour until the bus So I walked
And As I walked I was happy
Like properly happy for no reason at all
The coffee in my hand was terrible
I didn't know where I was going
And they're was the constant fear of being seen by someone who would ask me questions
But as I walked I smiled
The wind was threatening to blow me over
And an immense storm loomed over head
But I was properly happy
The further away I walked from the bus the closer it got
I learned to enjoy the coffee growing colder in my hand
I could see the turmoil of the ocean in the distance and I smiled
I was intrigued by the colour of the dirt
I wondered about the faces that peered at me through their car windows
It was me
My thoughts of the movie I had just watched and my smile
No One could stop me
Tuesday, 4 November 2014
Saturday, 25 October 2014
The Novel
I am a novel
It's what's inside that counts
I have chapters that divide my life
I have a start and I will have an end
Some people will read me once and toss me aside, some will read me over and over again
Some will like me, some will hate me and the rare few people will fall in love
Then there will be those who will give up halfway through
I could sit on a shelf for days on end as people pass me buy
but that doesn't change my quality
My covers may be tattered and worn but i will always stay the same inside
I will share my life with you but there will always be parts of me you have to discover and draw out from the obvious
I have meaning, I have a story line but i could also end mid sentence
My words define me but will never be the extent of me
I am a novel by contributing authors
but I write myself
It's what's inside that counts
I have chapters that divide my life
I have a start and I will have an end
Some people will read me once and toss me aside, some will read me over and over again
Some will like me, some will hate me and the rare few people will fall in love
Then there will be those who will give up halfway through
I could sit on a shelf for days on end as people pass me buy
but that doesn't change my quality
My covers may be tattered and worn but i will always stay the same inside
I will share my life with you but there will always be parts of me you have to discover and draw out from the obvious
I have meaning, I have a story line but i could also end mid sentence
My words define me but will never be the extent of me
I am a novel by contributing authors
but I write myself
Sunday, 21 September 2014
Time for a story
I thought I'd try my hand at writing a short story because lets face it; who wants to be studying for the HSC when there are much more interesting things you could be doing. So here it goes...
Nothing appealed to her more then lying in the grass and listening to songs about love and heartbreak because she couldn't seem to get it off her mind. Sweet notes filled her ears as she lay there, the long grass cradling her shape. The heat of the sun prickled though her jeans of deep blue while the chilled breeze danced across her bare skin where she had tied her top in a neat knot. Her mind drifted back to the night that had filled her thoughts.
Instantly she was back, the rough grass replaced by the smooth floor of the trampoline they had adopted as their place of rest. The empty space was filled with his presence and It was happening all over again. The warmth of the sun was overtaken with the warmth of his body against hers, his legs stretching the length of hers and his arm under her neck offered as a cushion of protection. She felt safe, comfortable while wrapped in him.
They discussed her infatuation with the stars, letting her guard down just a little hoping he would take the bait. The memory of the words shared drifted away as she was consumed with where her hand was placed. His hand open, welcoming, beckoned the company of her own. She met it without hesitation first just placed on top of his, then grasping his thumb, the awkwardness of the positioning not felt by her, only the naturalness of them joining together.
The regrets came flooding back, the interruptions. Blocking them out, new imaginings entered her mind. She fondled with his fingers, playfully entwining them with hers, moving them closer to their bodies. Her other hand rested upon his chest, his heartbeat trembling beneath her finger tips. She turned her head to meet his eyes and a smile expanded across her face, her blushed pink cheeks hidden in the darkness.
In that moment she wanted to tell him everything, that she would stay if he asked her, that she'd known all this time and just wanted for him to realise she was waiting. The fantasies, the plotting, the hesitation; it all became unbearable, she was going to burst, snap, yell.
Her friends told her that she shouldn't wait around, he wasn't worth it but she had felt it, experienced his touch and couldn't get it out of her head. She longed to relive it, replace the regrets with what she had wanted but time was ticking away and her chances of having another opportunity were slipping out of reach. Many times she had written the message, confronted her feelings but never had she gotten the courage to send it. Her doubts about his feelings were growing stronger and were starting to consume her.
Nothing appealed to her more then lying in the grass and listening to songs about love and heartbreak because she couldn't seem to get it off her mind. Sweet notes filled her ears as she lay there, the long grass cradling her shape. The heat of the sun prickled though her jeans of deep blue while the chilled breeze danced across her bare skin where she had tied her top in a neat knot. Her mind drifted back to the night that had filled her thoughts.
Instantly she was back, the rough grass replaced by the smooth floor of the trampoline they had adopted as their place of rest. The empty space was filled with his presence and It was happening all over again. The warmth of the sun was overtaken with the warmth of his body against hers, his legs stretching the length of hers and his arm under her neck offered as a cushion of protection. She felt safe, comfortable while wrapped in him.
They discussed her infatuation with the stars, letting her guard down just a little hoping he would take the bait. The memory of the words shared drifted away as she was consumed with where her hand was placed. His hand open, welcoming, beckoned the company of her own. She met it without hesitation first just placed on top of his, then grasping his thumb, the awkwardness of the positioning not felt by her, only the naturalness of them joining together.
The regrets came flooding back, the interruptions. Blocking them out, new imaginings entered her mind. She fondled with his fingers, playfully entwining them with hers, moving them closer to their bodies. Her other hand rested upon his chest, his heartbeat trembling beneath her finger tips. She turned her head to meet his eyes and a smile expanded across her face, her blushed pink cheeks hidden in the darkness.
In that moment she wanted to tell him everything, that she would stay if he asked her, that she'd known all this time and just wanted for him to realise she was waiting. The fantasies, the plotting, the hesitation; it all became unbearable, she was going to burst, snap, yell.
Her friends told her that she shouldn't wait around, he wasn't worth it but she had felt it, experienced his touch and couldn't get it out of her head. She longed to relive it, replace the regrets with what she had wanted but time was ticking away and her chances of having another opportunity were slipping out of reach. Many times she had written the message, confronted her feelings but never had she gotten the courage to send it. Her doubts about his feelings were growing stronger and were starting to consume her.
Friday, 19 September 2014
Boy Suck
Sometimes I wish that you would show up on my door step
tell me you couldn't wait any longer
explain it all to me
and tell me why you took so long
the fog will rise
the mist will clear
and all will be okay
and i as i turn to leave, you grab me by the hand
pull me close
and whisper
it's always been you
but then i remember all you've done
the way you've twisted my mind
and the way you've made me fall
the tossing, the turning
the maybe, maybe not
and i cant help but turn away
to run and slam the door
because when i imagine the late night dance
the kiss upon the cheek
it's not your face i see
your blurred
dis-configured
out of reach
i know i'm not like the rest
i don't see it in your eyes
but maybe if you had taken the chance
i could have filled the deep
but maybe your not the one
is it worth all the fuss?
some part of me says no
but i'd do anything to go back to that night
tell me you couldn't wait any longer
explain it all to me
and tell me why you took so long
the fog will rise
the mist will clear
and all will be okay
and i as i turn to leave, you grab me by the hand
pull me close
and whisper
it's always been you
but then i remember all you've done
the way you've twisted my mind
and the way you've made me fall
the tossing, the turning
the maybe, maybe not
and i cant help but turn away
to run and slam the door
because when i imagine the late night dance
the kiss upon the cheek
it's not your face i see
your blurred
dis-configured
out of reach
i know i'm not like the rest
i don't see it in your eyes
but maybe if you had taken the chance
i could have filled the deep
but maybe your not the one
is it worth all the fuss?
some part of me says no
but i'd do anything to go back to that night
Wednesday, 13 August 2014
Human Nature: Why Don't You Like Me?
HELLO!!!!
First things first,
The blog: I've had so many plans and ideas to get this thing going but I never seem to follow through. I feel like there are so many things up on the internet that it really wouldn't benefit from what I could produce. Everything I could do has been done before and what is to make mine any different. That's not to say I can't have an outlet though so I'm making another post.
Me: The altered outlook is not going as smoothly as I would have liked but this is okay. I'm still trying to embrace my tips. Some of them are harder then others but they are still there, I have used them in decision making and they have helped. Life is not at its peak but I definitely think I have handled things better.
I have been watching some vlogbrothers videos and they, along with some of my recent experiences, have got me thinking. There are so many videos and things that circulate that talk about self image and how to get people to like you, asking questions about relationships and general adolescent life experiences: first kiss, first date, boyfriends, girlfriends etc. etc. I being on the older side of adolescence verging on adulthood couldn't help but draw parallels with these people who were asking John and Hank Green, married men, about their teenage love life. No offence to the Green brothers, I love then to death, but WHY?
Surprisingly enough they had some pretty great answers that sang true to me but I really don't think that in today's society teenagers are going to embrace their way of thinking. We are constantly being thrown this shit about giving young people a better set of role models and calls for anti bullying and how we should love ourselves for all our imperfections but its all crap. How much of it is actually effective. None. We can't just eliminate this way of thinking that has been implanted in our human nature. For centuries people have been dealing with these problems, it is nothing new, there will always be some image that we strive for.
Our self worth is based on others. There is no denying it. There are always things we are going to do to try and catch the eye of someone else, to try and get people to like us and when other people like us, we like ourselves. Josh Thomas, an Australian comedian has started a conversation on pivot relating to his show "please like me" where he said the things that were wrong with him and other people have responded doing the same. There are so many projects like this and they are great, they really are. Again I love Josh Thomas, he is an awesome person but it is still all a ploy. We use these things to seem brave and accessible but the fact is: yeah there is something wrong with all of us but by pointing these things out we are not embracing them or dealing with them. We are just bringing them to our attention. There is no need to love everything about ourselves, we can not change who we are and if we do we will always find something new to not like. Isn't that what other people are for? To make perfect our imperfections and to distract us from them.
You reach a point in your life where all the messages projected on us about self love make sense. You start to realise what you've been living like and that none of it matters. Sure you go back and forth with it. You're not going to hit a point of acceptance and never look back but once you've gotten there it gets so much easier to get back there again. I came on here to spout more bullshit about stereotypes about how women dress and wear makeup to impress men when really they do it to make them feel good about themselves because I am a firm believer in that. But, as I got writing I realised what I was saying and I found holes. I'd be lying to myself if I said that I did, because yeah I like the way I look but that is because I think others will like it. It is really all just a big circle. As I said, its human nature to want people to like us, we have a deep seeded need to belong. You can tell from this post the tossing and turning we have with this ideal. I have gone from wanting people to love me, to loving myself and back again. It is the way it is, it is not going to change, acceptance is the key.
I think the point that I'm trying to make is: teenagers, stop stressing, what you are going through is natural, you will love yourself eventually and you can sure as hell believe you wont all over again. Just cop it. If you can look in the mirror one day and say dayyymmmn I actually look good and then the next want to smash the mirror it is okay. Some people will like you and some won't. You can't say you like everyone so why do you expect anything different from them. Remember: YOU ARE HUMAN.
Tip 4: Let life take its course. The universe will throw all sorts of things at you. Deal with them as they come, tomorrow is a new day.
Well that's me signing off,
I might come back some day... Bye for now
Flower
First things first,
The blog: I've had so many plans and ideas to get this thing going but I never seem to follow through. I feel like there are so many things up on the internet that it really wouldn't benefit from what I could produce. Everything I could do has been done before and what is to make mine any different. That's not to say I can't have an outlet though so I'm making another post.
Me: The altered outlook is not going as smoothly as I would have liked but this is okay. I'm still trying to embrace my tips. Some of them are harder then others but they are still there, I have used them in decision making and they have helped. Life is not at its peak but I definitely think I have handled things better.
I have been watching some vlogbrothers videos and they, along with some of my recent experiences, have got me thinking. There are so many videos and things that circulate that talk about self image and how to get people to like you, asking questions about relationships and general adolescent life experiences: first kiss, first date, boyfriends, girlfriends etc. etc. I being on the older side of adolescence verging on adulthood couldn't help but draw parallels with these people who were asking John and Hank Green, married men, about their teenage love life. No offence to the Green brothers, I love then to death, but WHY?
Surprisingly enough they had some pretty great answers that sang true to me but I really don't think that in today's society teenagers are going to embrace their way of thinking. We are constantly being thrown this shit about giving young people a better set of role models and calls for anti bullying and how we should love ourselves for all our imperfections but its all crap. How much of it is actually effective. None. We can't just eliminate this way of thinking that has been implanted in our human nature. For centuries people have been dealing with these problems, it is nothing new, there will always be some image that we strive for.
Our self worth is based on others. There is no denying it. There are always things we are going to do to try and catch the eye of someone else, to try and get people to like us and when other people like us, we like ourselves. Josh Thomas, an Australian comedian has started a conversation on pivot relating to his show "please like me" where he said the things that were wrong with him and other people have responded doing the same. There are so many projects like this and they are great, they really are. Again I love Josh Thomas, he is an awesome person but it is still all a ploy. We use these things to seem brave and accessible but the fact is: yeah there is something wrong with all of us but by pointing these things out we are not embracing them or dealing with them. We are just bringing them to our attention. There is no need to love everything about ourselves, we can not change who we are and if we do we will always find something new to not like. Isn't that what other people are for? To make perfect our imperfections and to distract us from them.
You reach a point in your life where all the messages projected on us about self love make sense. You start to realise what you've been living like and that none of it matters. Sure you go back and forth with it. You're not going to hit a point of acceptance and never look back but once you've gotten there it gets so much easier to get back there again. I came on here to spout more bullshit about stereotypes about how women dress and wear makeup to impress men when really they do it to make them feel good about themselves because I am a firm believer in that. But, as I got writing I realised what I was saying and I found holes. I'd be lying to myself if I said that I did, because yeah I like the way I look but that is because I think others will like it. It is really all just a big circle. As I said, its human nature to want people to like us, we have a deep seeded need to belong. You can tell from this post the tossing and turning we have with this ideal. I have gone from wanting people to love me, to loving myself and back again. It is the way it is, it is not going to change, acceptance is the key.
I think the point that I'm trying to make is: teenagers, stop stressing, what you are going through is natural, you will love yourself eventually and you can sure as hell believe you wont all over again. Just cop it. If you can look in the mirror one day and say dayyymmmn I actually look good and then the next want to smash the mirror it is okay. Some people will like you and some won't. You can't say you like everyone so why do you expect anything different from them. Remember: YOU ARE HUMAN.
Tip 4: Let life take its course. The universe will throw all sorts of things at you. Deal with them as they come, tomorrow is a new day.
Well that's me signing off,
I might come back some day... Bye for now
Flower
Sunday, 18 May 2014
The Altered Outlook
So the book....
The book that caused a stir deep inside of me. Opened my eyes. Made something click.
Text Book Romance, a complete guide to finding the right guy, dating him, and keeping it that way, written by Zoe Foster with occasional useful comments by non other then Hamish Blake (half of the duo Hamish and Andy). read in the format of a text book it is the most useful thing i have read to date. Aimed at an older audience, don't be afraid to dive straight into it to discover what you've been missing when it comes to the dangerous area of men. at my age it is very much about experience but let me tell you now, it cannot hurt one bit to have a little bit of guidance to making them good experiences.
The chapter I found most helpful was the first module, specifically the part about taking a long hard look at yourself to ensure that you are ready for a relationship. There is no doubt I have had many an identity crisis, having no idea who I am, more specifically who other perceive me to be but it has always been averted by the fact that I have the rest of my life to find out. If i'm perfectly honest with myself its probably more avoiding the problem rather then finding a solution.
This book wasn't about finding a "new" me, it was more about finding a me to begin with. The first step in this was making a list all the things I like about myself, a feat that was daunting to say the least. I have cruised along believing there was nothing I liked but there is surprisingly 12. So to get this point I had to look in the mirror, for an awful long time. I thought about what people complimented me on and tried to see if i could see them. I also looked beyond the physical, to the inside. I knew I had to be completely honest otherwise this would be a pointless exercise. Now, because i know you don't want to sit here and listen to me boast about all the things I like about myself I am just going to give you a few examples: My fascination with stars (i don't know what it is but there is just something about me that captivates me), my geekiness (no one should ever be afraid to embrace it) and my eyelashes. I encourage you to do the same don't look to the surface like "Oh I guess I'm a nice person" (I say this because I really don't believe I am, like I do nice things but I'm not genuinely nice) NO, go deeper, look at things you think other people like, look at things that make you YOU.
The next step was to think of you "blank spaces" as Zoe calls them. The voids you feel in yourself that you think you can fill with other people. It is important to note these are not physical characteristics that you have no control over (or cost a shit tone of money to fix) like the shape of your nose but gaps in your life like I believe I am extremely self centered, although this is a hard thing to fix it can definitely be done, or I have a boring life style, well don't look for a man or a friend to change this, go out, have fun, find something YOU like doing.
The third step is to embrace the things you like and chuck out the things you don't. No man is going to want a girl who is shy about who she is and is moping around in self pity. YOU HAVE TO STRUT YOUR STUFF.
Throughout this journey of self discovery (although I'm sure it's nowhere near over) I have learnt 10 things that I am embracing as my model to life:
1. There are 12 things you can actually genuinely say you like about yourself. Embrace them, show them off.
2. Stop obsessing over guys who aren't interested. You can not change their minds.
3. Work on things you don't like, there is always room for improvement
4. Let life take its course. The universe is going to throw all sorts of things at you. Deal with them as they come. Tomorrow will be different.
5. Stop being so desperate. There are only a sparse number of guys who are going to have the privilege of being with you. Make them good ones.
6. Find someone who loves you at your worst. Imagine what could happen at your best.
7. Work hard and you'll see better results.
8. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush, slow down and enjoy it.
9. Be confident in yourself. There is no one like you.
10. Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
I haven't written about all this to boast about my new found confidence, well I have a little, but it's more so that others can find the success that I have. It is my sincere hope that someone, somewhere reads this and it can help them as much as it has helped me.
All my thanks to Zoe Foster, it's safe to say I have adopted your book as my bible. Sorry if I've stolen any of your material.
Love always Flower
The book that caused a stir deep inside of me. Opened my eyes. Made something click.
Text Book Romance, a complete guide to finding the right guy, dating him, and keeping it that way, written by Zoe Foster with occasional useful comments by non other then Hamish Blake (half of the duo Hamish and Andy). read in the format of a text book it is the most useful thing i have read to date. Aimed at an older audience, don't be afraid to dive straight into it to discover what you've been missing when it comes to the dangerous area of men. at my age it is very much about experience but let me tell you now, it cannot hurt one bit to have a little bit of guidance to making them good experiences.
The chapter I found most helpful was the first module, specifically the part about taking a long hard look at yourself to ensure that you are ready for a relationship. There is no doubt I have had many an identity crisis, having no idea who I am, more specifically who other perceive me to be but it has always been averted by the fact that I have the rest of my life to find out. If i'm perfectly honest with myself its probably more avoiding the problem rather then finding a solution.
This book wasn't about finding a "new" me, it was more about finding a me to begin with. The first step in this was making a list all the things I like about myself, a feat that was daunting to say the least. I have cruised along believing there was nothing I liked but there is surprisingly 12. So to get this point I had to look in the mirror, for an awful long time. I thought about what people complimented me on and tried to see if i could see them. I also looked beyond the physical, to the inside. I knew I had to be completely honest otherwise this would be a pointless exercise. Now, because i know you don't want to sit here and listen to me boast about all the things I like about myself I am just going to give you a few examples: My fascination with stars (i don't know what it is but there is just something about me that captivates me), my geekiness (no one should ever be afraid to embrace it) and my eyelashes. I encourage you to do the same don't look to the surface like "Oh I guess I'm a nice person" (I say this because I really don't believe I am, like I do nice things but I'm not genuinely nice) NO, go deeper, look at things you think other people like, look at things that make you YOU.
The next step was to think of you "blank spaces" as Zoe calls them. The voids you feel in yourself that you think you can fill with other people. It is important to note these are not physical characteristics that you have no control over (or cost a shit tone of money to fix) like the shape of your nose but gaps in your life like I believe I am extremely self centered, although this is a hard thing to fix it can definitely be done, or I have a boring life style, well don't look for a man or a friend to change this, go out, have fun, find something YOU like doing.
The third step is to embrace the things you like and chuck out the things you don't. No man is going to want a girl who is shy about who she is and is moping around in self pity. YOU HAVE TO STRUT YOUR STUFF.
Throughout this journey of self discovery (although I'm sure it's nowhere near over) I have learnt 10 things that I am embracing as my model to life:
1. There are 12 things you can actually genuinely say you like about yourself. Embrace them, show them off.
2. Stop obsessing over guys who aren't interested. You can not change their minds.
3. Work on things you don't like, there is always room for improvement
4. Let life take its course. The universe is going to throw all sorts of things at you. Deal with them as they come. Tomorrow will be different.
5. Stop being so desperate. There are only a sparse number of guys who are going to have the privilege of being with you. Make them good ones.
6. Find someone who loves you at your worst. Imagine what could happen at your best.
7. Work hard and you'll see better results.
8. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush, slow down and enjoy it.
9. Be confident in yourself. There is no one like you.
10. Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
I haven't written about all this to boast about my new found confidence, well I have a little, but it's more so that others can find the success that I have. It is my sincere hope that someone, somewhere reads this and it can help them as much as it has helped me.
All my thanks to Zoe Foster, it's safe to say I have adopted your book as my bible. Sorry if I've stolen any of your material.
Love always Flower
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
Hello
Hey there probably non existent peeps!
I started this blog probably just under a year ago when I was in a negative place in my life. I am fully aware that this was probably nowhere near as bad as other people and it was probably just a teenage phase that every girl goes through but I was not happy with myself or my world. As of late however, I have embraced a new attitude thanks to a life changing book, a beautiful friend and many other contributors. The for mentioned book will be addressed at a later date.
I don't really know what will make up this blog or if it will last but I thought why the hell not. It way comprise of stories, fashion advice, hairstyles and makeup, advice in general, recipes, pretty much whatever I can fathom into a post I will do it.
So before I pull you into my web and make you read everything I have to say (don't worry I cant actually do this, I'm on the other side of a completely different computer screen. unless...) I should probably tell you a bit about me. I am a year 12 student, I know, scary right, who is planing to move to Melbourne (as i currently live in a completely different state) to go to university and study animal science. Why? I don't know, it makes me giddy and excited to imagine working in a zoo with wild animals for the rest of my life probably. As for the new state part something has always drawn me too the idea of Melbourne, the hipster coffee shops and bars (yes I am a self confessed hipster, I like to think of more indie, but its alright, I'm a cool one) the music and just the idea of being somewhere completely new. Don't get me wrong it scares the shit out of me but I think I really need it.
So I love music, can't get enough, preferably alternative (San Cisco, ball park, jungle giants, boy and bear, N.A.T.E) and nowhere near rap and I mean NOWHERE.
I have recently taking up reading an awful lot and not regretting it one bit.
If I'm not doing the two above i am watching movies (kids, funny, romantic, sad, not horror) , or TV shows (in order of fave: How I met your mother (although I'm not too happy with the final), Sherlock, scrubs, doctor who, community).
I have short hair so my love of hair-styling is being deprived but I'm working on it, I love clothes and I like to think I try hard at makeup.
So this is my life, welcome
love Flower (for story behind that see description)
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